Big Hairy Deal

December is finally here, which also means Movember (or Noshavember or whatever hybrid name we’ve adopted this year) is also over.

I’m all in favor of this new tradition if it means helping to stomp out cancer – any kind of cancer.  Seriously, fuck cancer.  What I want to know is when did beards become mainstream?  They’re basically the modern version of the 90’s goatee.

A bigger question to consider is why is hair on a guy’s face okay but body hair (and even pubes) need to be shaved or waxed?  Manscaping has become a standard so guys can look smooth and clean but it’s not okay if he has a baby face.  DO WE LIKE HAIR OR NOT?!

Prior to the last two years or so, it occurred to me that guys who have facial hair were usually sons of men with facial hair, and vice versa.  I shave every morning.  It must have been embedded in me that a clean shaven face is an adult thing to have.  My father is one of seven boys and with the exception of one brother having a mustache, all of them were clean shaven.  My mother has two older brothers and neither of them have facial hair.  Both grandfathers?  No facial hair.  I’m sure this all factored in for me.

Associating beards with manliness amuses the hell out of me because most modern American men aren’t lumberjacks or rugged outdoorsmen.  They just move from screen to screen all day – smartphone, TV, tablet, etc.  That’s why I don’t buy the “manly” argument, unless it’s about an image.  Grown men can grow facial hair so that must mean you’re a man if you have a beard, right?  It will surely make up for the Minecraft T-shirt and flip-flops you’re sporting.

I’ve heard the remarks loads of times – “I don’t understand why you want to look like a boy instead of a man.”  Let’s just say a hairless face is my style.  I don’t enjoy the process of shaving everyday.  In fact, I relate it to how women go through the daily ritual of applying makeup and doing their hair.  Is that enjoyable to them?  Hell no.  Did I just suggest my grooming habits are similar to that of a woman’s?  Maybe.  Nevertheless, being clean shaven just my thing.

So go forth and grow, whiskers of men.  Blossom into your full, scraggly glory.  Just make sure the same doesn’t apply to your pube patch because we don’t like hair that much.

And don’t even get me started on the manbun.

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